The league can now announce that the owners of Team Fisher8080 have sold the club to an individual investor. Mr Matthew Rhys Devereux-Cole, resident of North London, has purchased the club for a sum of £25. Mr Devereux-Cole made his fortune in the hospitality industry, and we are delighted that he has decided to invest these riches into Fantrax.

This, of course, is not Devereux-Cole’s first venture into Auction-based Fantasy Football. He previously hosted several managers for the Euro 2016 Auction at his John Salt establishment, and has held the Assistant Manager position at Peperami Barmy Army for the past 6 months. To leave the comparative security of a No.2 role at the League Champions to take over as No.1 at a struggling Arse Award contender is a bold move, but the ambition is commendable.

This announcement follows an extreme vetting process through the League’s Fit & Proper Person Test, which must be undertaken by all new owners. The first application was rejected, as Devereux-Cole failed the clause which states “they have power or influence over another League club”. The League demanded that Devereux-Cole resign from all interests in Peperami Barmy Army, and this demand was obliged through the following document.


On the second application from Devereux-Cole, the committee expressed concern that Devereux-Cole was previously the Director of the club formerly known as Mattchester United / Colechester United, which went into liquidation under his stewardship in 2007. Whilst this highlights a failure in understanding how to run a football club, league regulations state that the application can only be refused if a director presided over two unconnected events of insolvency. Combining this with the undoubted boost this appointment will give to the local Pizza industry, the committee were happy to approve the application.

The following statement was received from Devereux-Cole’s PR Department:

Hi Commish, Char here, because Matt’s so big time now he runs his own club he has decided to hire me as his PR machine (whatever that means)…I say ‘hire’, but salary hasn’t been discussed yet *yawn*. Anyway Matt emailed me over his statement and asked me to send it over after sense (idiot) checking it. See below:

‘After 2 long seasons of listening to jibber jabber through our Party WhatsApp group I am delighted to finally be managing my own team, even if the associated animal is the worst out of all the clubs with animal associations- The FISH. Mr. Fisher built a strong team at the auction, some managers even voted his team the best I think, however, lack of attention has left the club in tatters, free falling through the league. Thankfully Clements and Clements stepped in and Matt convinced Mr. Fisher to sell the club for a reasonable price whilst Lewis handled the movement of the sum paid (whilst taking a tidy fee) to spend at his leisure, maybe they should stop selling Argon Oil, and switch careers to convincing people to sell their souls to the Devil, as I certainly intend on living up to that name… My plans for Team Fisher8080 are summarised in the fish bait emoji- . I plan on shaking shit up for the rest of the season by making bold moves, to fix out short term problems as time is not on our side. Although I always plan to give a nod to Ian Fishers team, by next season we will almost be unrecognisable. My soul aim is to avoid the Arse Trophy this season and start next season a fresh. Thank you to all the managers who voted me into the league and all the managers who have been trying to find ways of bringing me in for last 6 months, mostly Mr. Hall and Commish and then Mr. Hamlin and the Twins for helping me over the line, and of course Mr. Peperami for brining me into the game over the first half of the season. Fuck you Mills, see you week 25. Enough Jigger Jabber. FC Fishbait 8080 look forward to competing against you all throughout the season.

Matt Devereux-Cole’
The PR officer added that she is sure you’ll hear from her throughout the season after all the PR blunders Matt will obviously make.
In addition, the League would like to place on record its thanks to outgoing manager Mr Ian Fisher for his involvement over the past two and a half years. Fisher gained a reputation as a fantastic auctioner, but unfortunately could not back this up with consistent league play.

Fisher gave the following statement on his departure:

“Regrettably, my time at Team Fisher8080 has come to an end. After a poor string of results, the owners felt it necessary to change the direction of the Club and bring in a new influential manager. I know the owners have been very keen on bringing in some young blood into the role and Mr Devereux will undoubtedly excel in this position. I wish him and the Club all the best for the future.”

These changes are effective immediately.


Your friendly Commish.


A World Without Managerial Blunders

At the start of the season, Lewey’s Legends boss Larraldinho took a look at what the league table would look like if every manager had played their best possible Starting XI in every game. With more than half of the season now gone, I thought it would be a good idea to re-examine this piece of analysis.

Firstly, lets remind ourselves of what the league table looks like as it stands today, with 20 matches played:

1 Chris Talling’s XI 40 745
2 Boz’s Pandas 40 657
3 The Groovy Penguins 39 714
4 The Hammerheads 39 652
5 Elm Grove Elite 32 692
6 Peperami Barmy Army 30 640
7 Leweys Legends 30 593
8 Real Sosobad 29 704
9 Ozone Athletic 28 713
10 Gooch United 25 577
11 Clem’s Lems 24 563
12 Team fisher8080 24 561
13 Bobbond Allstars 18 608
14 Salamanders 18 571


Ok, so Talling good, Sala’s bad. Got it. Next we take a look at which results would have changed had we all actually been decent managers. Even though many of us are far from decent, on multiple levels. Not naming names but you know who you are. These results account for the manager changing to any valid formation if needed.

Week 20

Ozone Athletic 26 Leweys Legends 29 >>> Ozone Athletic 37 Leweys Legends 35


Week 18

Chris Talling’s XI 54 Ozone Athletic 42 >>> Chris Talling’s XI 55 Ozone Athletic 58
Clem’s Lems 41 Elm Grove Elite 43 >>> Clem’s Lems 48 Elm Grove Elite 47


Week 13

Chris Talling’s XI 28 Gooch United 27 >>> Chris Talling’s XI 28 Gooch United 29
The Hammerheads 33 Leweys Legends 29 >>> The Hammerheads 36 Leweys Legends 38
Ozone Athletic 35 Elm Grove Elite 35 >>> Ozone Athletic 35 Elm Grove Elite 39


Week 12

Gooch United 28 Boz’s Pandas 30 >>> Gooch United 33 Boz’s Pandas 30
Elm Grove Elite 26 Chris Talling’s XI 26 >>> Elm Grove Elite 26 Chris Talling’s XI 27


Week 11

Team fisher8080 39 Leweys Legends 38 >>> Team fisher8080 40 Leweys Legends 41


Week 9

Gooch United 29 Real Sosobad 29 >>> Gooch United 41 Real Sosobad 30


Week 8

Elm Grove Elite 31 Gooch United 23 >>> Elm Grove Elite 36 Gooch United 38
Chris Talling’s XI 36 Salamanders 37 >>> Chris Talling’s XI 41 Salamanders 38


Week 5

Ozone Athletic 44 Chris Talling’s XI 41 >>> Ozone Athletic 44 Chris Talling’s XI 49
Gooch United 34 Team fisher8080 24 >>> Gooch United 36 Team fisher8080 36
Bobbond Allstars 40 Salamanders 50 >>> Bobbond Allstars 56 Salamanders 51


Week 4

Clem’s Lems 29 The Hammerheads 30 >>> Clem’s Lems 32 The Hammerheads 31
Boz’s Pandas 33 Ozone Athletic 32 >>> Boz’s Pandas 35 Ozone Athletic 37


Week 2

Real Sosobad 34 Boz’s Pandas 35 >>> Real Sosobad 35 Boz’s Pandas 35


Week 1

Team fisher8080 39 Real Sosobad 33 >>> Team fisher8080 46 Real Sosobad 46


But what does this all mean? Well for one thing, the week Ozone beat Talling, Talling should have won and the week Talling beat Ozone, Ozone should have won. But apart from those cancelling each other out, there were lots of league-changing results. Will Penguins go top? Will Bobbond go bottom? Let’s look at the all important league table.

1 Chris Talling’s XI 42 790 No Change
2 The Groovy Penguins 39 765 UP 1
3 Gooch United 34 656 UP 7
4 Ozone Athletic 33 792 UP 5
5 The Hammerheads 33 724 DOWN 1
6 Leweys Legends 33 663 UP 1
7 Boz’s Pandas 32 715 DOWN 5
8 Real Sosobad 30 799 No Change
9 Peperami Barmy Army 30 701 DOWN 3
10 Clem’s Lems 30 663 UP 1
11 Elm Grove Elite 27 757 DOWN 6
12 Bobbond Allstars 21 689 UP 1
13 Team fisher8080 20 633 DOWN 1
14 Salamanders 12 614 No Change


So no change at the very top or the very bottom, but an absolutely huge leap for Gooch United. UTG (Up the Gooch). A 7-step climb for the Swordsmen (new nickname based on logo) into the money spots.

The big losers of the piece are Elm Grove Eggies who drop 6 places into shitsville. Where they belong some might say. And Salamanders go from bad to worse, a full 8 points behind their nearest competitor for the Arse Award, with an abysmal record of 4-16.

Finally lets look at the difference between the actual and dream leagues:

1 Gooch United 9 79
2 Clem’s Lems 6 100
3 Ozone Athletic 5 79
4 Bobbond Allstars 3 81
5 Leweys Legends 3 70
6 Chris Talling’s XI 2 45
7 Real Sosobad 1 95
8 Peperami Barmy Army 0 61
9 The Groovy Penguins 0 51
10 Team fisher8080 -4 72
11 Elm Grove Elite -5 65
12 The Hammerheads -6 72
13 Salamanders -6 43
14 Boz’s Pandas -8 58


What does this show us?

  1. Clemo has squandered the most points on his bench this season, the only team to hit 100 points wasted, which contributing to two wins disappearing. In the real league, only “Zero Logins” Fisher has scored less fantasy points. Snapping at his heels, however, is the perennial Sheikh of Shitness, Mr Rosh Jees on 95. Perhaps this shows that his reputation for bad benchings is fully deserved.
  2. Pandas have benefited the most from poor opposition management, 8 points better off than they should be. Proving once and for all that their current lofty league position is down to our collective shitness rather than Borrill’s managerial excellence.
  3. Salamanders’ bench is just as shit as its starters

Do you draw any other conclusions from this data? Let the group know, sharing is caring.


Your friendly Commish.


The Closest Title Race Yet?

What an eventful season it’s been so far. We’ve had Hamlin’s inability to speak at the auction. We’ve had the whole league bidding 100mill on Pogba. We’ve had some very Josh-like benchings from several managers (mostly Josh). We’ve had the best Deadline Day ever. We’ve had the worst rebrand in history (you know who you are), and the worst ever start to a league season (cheers Bond). We’ve had Smalling-gate. We’ve added WordPress and we’ve added the Fantrax Pools. We’ve had last minute wins, and last minute Survival eliminations (Allen assist –> Sigurdsson assist –> Allen assist).

And as if all of that wasn’t enough, we’ve got an unbelievable title race on our hands. Just 1 game separates the top eight. EIGHT. These are extraordinary times that we live in. So the question we are looking to answer this week is: Is this the closest title race ever? I’ve got a record of every Fantrax result ever, so we can check. Lets go to the numbers.

The league leader has already changed eight times this season, with four different leaders. Here are the deets:

Team fisher8080 1 to 2
Ozone Athletic 3 to 4
Boz’s Pandas 5
Ozone Athletic 6
Boz’s Pandas 7 to 8
The Groovy Penguins 9
Boz’s Pandas 10
The Groovy Penguins 11

So how does this compare to previous seasons. Well, in both Season 1 and 2, the lead changed only six times the entire season. We’ve topped that already. So you could argue that the first 11 weeks of this season are already more competitive than the whole 38 weeks from the last two years. Here are the other seasons:

FC Borrill 1
FC Salvidge-a-point 2 to 9
Ozone Athletic 10 to 19
FC Salvidge-a-point 20 to 25
Ozone Athletic 26
FC Salvidge-a-point 27 to 38
Boz’s Pandas 1 to 3
Peperami Barmy Army 4 to 7
Ozone Athletic 8 to 10
Peperami Barmy Army 11 to 27
Hammerhead Sharks 28 to 34
Peperami Barmy Army 35 to 38

Now in terms of the league table itself. We’ve established that there is just one win between first and eighth. The league leader (Mills) is on 21 points, with the eighth placed Hammerheads on 18 points.

1 The Groovy Penguins 21 406
2 Elm Grove Elite 21 376
3 Peperami Barmy Army 21 364
4 Boz’s Pandas 21 355
5 Chris Talling’s XI 18 396
6 Ozone Athletic 18 394
7 Team fisher8080 18 353
8 The Hammerheads 18 340
9 Real Sosobad 16 371
10 Leweys Legends 15 321
11 Clem’s Lems 15 320
12 Gooch United 13 327
13 Salamanders 9 305
14 Bobbond Allstars 6 318

In both of the previous seasons, after Week 11 there was a 9 point gap between 1st and 8th. The top 2 (Season 1) and top 3 (Season 2) had an extra win at this point, while 5th-8th (Season 1) and 7th-8th (Season 2) had an extra loss. So we can conclude that the best teams have got worse, and the mid-table teams have got better, all of which contributes to a wide open title race.

Another point to note is how fewer fantasy points have been scored by the league’s best teams compared to last season’s champions PBA. Peperami (446) had 40 more points than the Penguins have got currently (406). We can’t really compare Season 1 because only pure assists counted that year, so less points were on offer. But we can compare the league leader’s score as a percentage of the total points scored in the league. Ozone had 9.6% in S1, with Peperami in at 9.1% in S2. The Penguins have currently scored 8.2% of all fantasy points. A 1% drop doesn’t seem like much at first glance. But if the entire league had all scored exactly the same points, the joint leader would be on 7.1%. So, if you’re still following at this point (and I wouldn’t blame you if you weren’t), the difference between the league leader and perfect equality has halved compared to last season. All of which supports our idea of a competitive title race.

Here are the historic Week 11 Tables from the archives. Incidentally, Mills has gone from worst team to best team in two years:

1 Ozone Athletic 24 386
2 FC Salvidge-a-point 24 352
3 Elm Grove Elite 22 355
4 Peperami Barmy Army 18 331
5 Hammerhead Sharks 15 372
6 FC Borrill 15 352
7 Gooch City 15 337
8 Team fisher8080 15 307
9 Bayer Neverlosen 15 291
10 Clem’s Rems 12 325
11 Gooch United 12 294
12 Team Dick_mills 10 307
1 Peperami Barmy Army 24 446
2 Ozone Athletic 24 416
3 Bobbond Allstars 24 384
4 Miceglas 19 336
5 Hammerhead Sharks 18 386
6 FC Salvidge-a-point 18 323
7 Boz’s Pandas 15 388
8 Team fisher8080 15 348
9 Elm Grove Elite 13 378
10 Gooch United 13 364
11 Clem’s Rems 13 278
12 The Groovy Penguins 12 295
13 FC BayerNeverlosen 12 282
14 Leweys Legends 9 282

Who do you think will win the title this year? Your guess is as good as mine.


Your friendly Commish.

P.S. I’ve arbitrarily chosen the above logo for Team Fisher8080 because finding him on Fantrax is more unlikely than Finding Nemo.

Active Managers Index

As I scrolled through the pages of Fantrax for the 1,000th time, looking at the endless pixels of data that always keep me coming back for more, I learned that TeamFisher8080 was yet to make a signing this season. I mean, no-one in the history of Fantrax has ever claimed that Fish is an active manager. But was I surprised? I’d be less surprised if I learned that TeamFisher8080 was controlled by a Google-funded algorithm that automatically logged on once a week and made a randomly selected substitution once a month.

However, it did get me thinking. If Fish is the least active manager in our marvellous league, then who is the most active? And how do you measure it? I decided to find out.

The first and most obvious measure of activity is the number of log ins. The more you log in, the more active you are. Simple. But somehow, this alone didn’t seem enough. Once we’ve logged in, what do we do? Well we look at random shit for hours on end. But we can’t measure that.

So what else can we do while logged in. Two things mainly. Set our line-up, and sign players. This gives us our other two measures. By adding the number of line-up changes, the number of signings and the number of log-ins we get our Active Managers Index.

Here are the numbers:



Rank Team Name # Log-ins
1 Chris Talling’s XI 74
2 Boz’s Pandas 70
3 Peperami Barmy Army 65
4 The Groovy Penguins 63
5 Leweys Legends 61
6 Bobbond Allstars 60
7 Elm Grove Elite 59
7 Ozone Athletic 59
9 Clem’s Lems 58
10 Gooch United 56
11 Real Sosobad 54
12 Salamanders 52
13 The Hammerheads 51
14 Team fisher8080 16



Rank Team Name # Line-up Changes
1 Leweys Legends 42
2 Chris Talling’s XI 41
3 Peperami Barmy Army 38
3 Real Sosobad 38
5 Clem’s Lems 35
6 The Groovy Penguins 34
7 The Hammerheads 32
8 Boz’s Pandas 26
9 Bobbond Allstars 24
9 Elm Grove Elite 24
9 Ozone Athletic 24
9 Gooch United 24
13 Salamanders 23
14 Team fisher8080 9



Rank Team Name # Signings
1 The Groovy Penguins 24
2 Elm Grove Elite 22
3 Chris Talling’s XI 18
4 Peperami Barmy Army 16
4 Boz’s Pandas 16
6 Ozone Athletic 14
7 Leweys Legends 12
8 Bobbond Allstars 10
8 Salamanders 10
10 The Hammerheads 9
11 Clem’s Lems 7
11 Gooch United 7
13 Real Sosobad 4
14 Team fisher8080 0



Rank Team Name Overall
1 Chris Talling’s XI 133
2 The Groovy Penguins 121
3 Peperami Barmy Army 119
4 Leweys Legends 115
5 Boz’s Pandas 112
6 Elm Grove Elite 105
7 Clem’s Lems 100
8 Ozone Athletic 97
9 Real Sosobad 96
10 Bobbond Allstars 94
11 The Hammerheads 92
12 Gooch United 87
13 Salamanders 85
14 Team fisher8080 25



Congratulations to Huw on his victory. But is it a hollow victory? Do Charles and/or Haimes have access to his log-in details? With three people logging in all the time his numbers would be artificially inflated. Yet more villainy from the Villain of the Year? Or the innocent consequence of round-the-world travels? I’ll let you decide.


Your friendly Commish.



Fantrax Pools – Week 3

What an absolute disaster of a week for me last time out. Disaster doesn’t seem severe enough. Catastrophe? Apocalypse? None of these do justice to the anguish I was feeling at 5:45 on Sunday evening. Not only did I lose my league match by a single point, I was also eliminated from the Survival Cup with a score of 24. Prior to this I had not scored less than 32 all season. And the week previously, five teams had scored 24 or less, with Huw somehow surviving on 19. I know what you’re thinking. Cry me a river. We don’t give a fuck about your feelings. That’s cool. Just know that when that cruel mistress named Fantrax comes knocking for you (and she will) you will have my deepest sympathies.

And it was the Villain of the Year himself that profited from my demise. Getting odds of nearly 25/1, Huw took home £28.80 from a £1.20 stake. Well played Sir.

Here are the all important prices for Week 3:

Team Price Points (Last 5 Wks) Low Scores (<25) Odds of KO Chance of KO
Bobbond Allstars £3.60 148 22 8.3 12.0%
Team fisher8080 £3.60 152 24, 20 8.3 12.0%
The Hammerheads £3.20 156 22 9.4 10.6%
Clem’s Lems £3.10 156 24 9.9 10.1%
Salamanders £2.50 166 24 11.9 8.4%
Elm Grove Elite £2.50 169 23, 24 12.0 8.3%
Chris Talling’s XI £2.30 177 19 13.1 7.6%
The Groovy Penguins £2.20 170 None 13.4 7.4%
Peperami Barmy Army £2.00 174 None 14.8 6.7%
Boz’s Pandas £1.80 183 21 16.4 6.1%
Gooch United £1.70 180 None 17.6 5.7%
Real Sosobad £1.50 184 None 20.1 5.0%


And here are the running totals:

Wk 1 Wk 2 Wins Total
Huw £2.40 £1.20 £28.80 £25.20
Boz £3.90 £2.40 £29.60 £23.30
Mills £2.20 -£2.20
Bridz £2.30 -£2.30
Ham £2.60 -£2.60
Salv £1.00 £2.00 -£3.00
Matt £1.30 £2.10 -£3.40
Gooch £1.00 £2.80 -£3.80
Owen £2.00 £2.10 -£4.10
Bond £3.30 £1.30 -£4.60
Gaff £3.60 £1.80 -£5.40
Lew £2.60 £2.80 -£5.40
Dev £1.40 £4.20 -£5.60
Josh £2.30 £3.80 -£6.10

May the pools be ever in your favour.

Your friendly Commish.

Fantrax Pools – Week 2

Congratulations to Boz for his victory in the inaugural Fantrax Pools last week. Leweys Legends more than lived up to their billing as elimination favourite with an abysmal score of 16, earning Boz a cool £29.60 from his £3.90 stake. However, Boz was lucky to escape elimination himself with Cedric Soares saving him from an embarrassing first round exit. Gooch’s pre-match talk of difficult fixtures for the Pandas turned out to be extremely accurate, and he can count himself unlucky not to take home the prize off a mere £1 bid.

Talking of luck, not only did Chris Talling survive being knocked out with a score of 19, he also won his league match, having the fortune of facing the aforementioned Legends. Incidentally, 19 is the joint lowest winning score in Fantrax history, along with Bobbond Allstars 19-18 victory over the then-named Rems in last season’s Week 30. I suspect Bond would give his right arse cheek in exchange for a 19-18 win this season.

On to this week then, and I’m excited to announce a new element to the Pools. Lets face it, Fantrax is a league built on bidding. The Auction, the Free Agents….. we fucking love bidding on stuff. So from this week onwards, if someone has already taken the team you think will be eliminated, you will now be able to outbid them. In increments of 10p, by placing a higher bid on any given team, the original bid will be cancelled and your bid will become active. The original bidder then has the choice of either re-raising you, or picking a better value team to back for elimination instead. This should remove any unfairness from the first come first serve model.

Here are the prices for this week:

Team Price Points (Last 5 Wks) Low Scores (<25) Odds of KO Chance of KO
Team fisher8080 £3.80 143 24, 20 8.0 12.5%
Bobbond Allstars £3.50 144 22 8.9 11.3%
The Hammerheads £2.80 161 22 11.1 9.0%
Clem’s Lems £2.80 156 24 11.1 9.0%
Chris Talling’s XI £2.70 170 19 11.2 8.9%
Salamanders £2.40 165 24 12.8 7.8%
Elm Grove Elite £2.30 172 23, 24 13.2 7.6%
Peperami Barmy Army £2.10 170 None 14.7 6.8%
Boz’s Pandas £2.10 181 21 14.8 6.8%
The Groovy Penguins £2.00 172 None 15.3 6.5%
Gooch United £1.80 178 None 17.4 5.7%
Real Sosobad £1.30 190 None 24.0 4.2%
Ozone Athletic £1.20 192 None 25.6 3.9%

To allow you to keep a track of how much you’re spending on the pools, I’ll also post the accumulated totals going forwards to show how much you owe (or how much you’ve won):

Bids Wins Total
Boz £3.90 £29.60 £25.70
Gaff £3.60 -£3.60
Bond £3.30 -£3.30
Ham £2.60 -£2.60
Lew £2.60 -£2.60
Huw £2.40 -£2.40
Josh £2.30 -£2.30
Mills £2.20 -£2.20
Owen £2.00 -£2.00
Dev £1.40 -£1.40
Matt £1.30 -£1.30
Gooch £1.00 -£1.00
Salv £1.00 -£1.00

Incidentally, with scores of 17, 16 and 23 in the last three weeks, if the Legends were still in the Cup they would have set you back more than £5 this week as overwhelming favourites. But they’re not, so……….

May the Pools be ever in your favour.

Your friendly Commish.

Commish Corner – Announcement

To celebrate the start of the Survival Cup, it is with great pleasure that I am pleased to announce the introduction of a brand new feature to Fantrax…..

The Fantrax Pools

What is the Fantrax Pools? Quite simply, it is a way of betting on who will be eliminated from the Survival Cup each week.

Using the unique “Commish Algorithm” (copyright pending), each team has been given a Price which corresponds to how likely they are to be knocked out this week, according to the algorithm. The price is calculated based on the number of points that team has scored in the last 5 weeks, and also takes into account any particularly low scores they’ve had in that time frame.

Each team can only be bet on once. Once a bet has been placed on a particular team, that’s it – no-one else can then bet on them.

To place a bet simply post a message in the Party WhatsApp group. It is a first come first served basis – whichever message I receive first will get their bet confirmed. Bets are open to all, including non-managers.

As more and more people place their bets, the prize pool will get bigger and bigger, until there are no bets remaining. The bet winner takes it all – no prizes for runners up in this game.

If the team eliminated has not been bet on by anyone, then the bets will roll over to next week.

It would be tedious collecting this money every week, so all bets placed will be added on to the amount you owe for Fantrax this season. Similarly for winnings – they will be paid out later in the season in one go.

It is my deepest hope that this will add yet another element to the game we all know and love. And of course, yet another chance to win money- especially for those of us that are eliminated early.

If there are any questions, please post them on Whats App.

There is up to £30.70 up for grabs this week – here are those all important prices. May the Pools be ever in your favour!

Team Points Low Scores (<25) Odds of KO Chance of KO Price
Leweys Legends 129 16, 23, 22 7.9 12.7% £3.90
The Hammerheads 133 22, 18 8.5 11.7% £3.60
Salamanders 145 24, 13 9.3 10.7% £3.30
Clem’s Lems 145 24 11.8 8.5% £2.60
Team fisher8080 154 24, 20 11.8 8.5% £2.60
Gooch United 160 18 12.8 7.8% £2.40
Bobbond Allstars 150 None 13.3 7.5% £2.30
Elm Grove Elite 159 23, 24 14.0 7.2% £2.20
Peperami Barmy Army 159 None 15.4 6.5% £2.00
Real Sosobad 176 None 21.9 4.6% £1.40
The Groovy Penguins 178 None 23.6 4.2% £1.30
Ozone Athletic 185 None 27.9 3.6% £1.10
Boz’s Pandas 188 None 30.7 3.3% £1.00
Chris Talling’s XI 188 None 30.7 3.3% £1.00
Max £30.70



Your friendly Commish.



The Rise & Fall of Bobbond Allstars

It’s been a spectacular start to the season for the Bobbond Allstars. Spectacularly bad. They sit bottom of the table with a 100% loss record, a full two wins behind their nearest rivals. But just how bad are the Allstars? We’ll take a look at the data behind the dog shit.

Bond joined Fantrax in Season 2 and had a very respectable first season. With the goals of Jamie Vardy and the assists of Mesut Ozil, the Allstars moved into 2nd place in Week 9 and stayed there for 11 of the next 12 weeks. He did not fall out of the top 4 at any point between Weeks 5 and 33, but a disappointing end to the season saw Bobbond finish the season in 5th place. A fairly impressive debut season indeed – all eyes were on Drew to see if he could improve upon his success in Season 3.

So far, the answer to that question has been a resounding “No”. Five defeats from five games is an awful start by anyone’s standard. The results were as follows:

Bond 28-37 Huw

Bond 25-34 Owen

Bond 28-31 Lew

Bond 29-48 Mills

Bond 40-50 Salv

In a sense, Drew has been quite unlucky. The 200 Fantasy Points he has faced from opposing teams is the highest in the league. With more luck could he have found himself nearer the top of the league? The number of teams he would have beaten each week is as follows: 7, 0, 3, 2, 9. This sort of thing evens itself out over the course of a season, but Bond deserves one, or possibly two wins. No more. That would still put him at or near the bottom of the league in any case.

In terms of Fantasy Points scored, Bond is currently at 150, which puts him 10th out of 14th. The problem has been that he’s accumulated these points with consistently below average scores. We’ve already seen that Bond deserved a win this week (although leaving 20 points on the bench was nightmare management), but four weeks of scores between 25 and 29 tells the story. Below 30 is simply not good enough in this league.

Is there any hope to be found from his squad? I mentioned in Commish Corner a few weeks back that I thought KDB and Kane could save Salv and Bond’s seasons respectively. While De Bruyne has certainly lived up to the bill for the Salamanders, I imagine Bond was drowning in a pool of his own salty tears as news filtered through of Kane being stretchered off this weekend. With his star man out for an undetermined number of weeks where are the points coming from? Well there’s good news in some areas. Lanzini is back to fitness and back in the goals for West Ham, while Deeney got himself off the mark with a penalty this weekend. In Deeney’s case, the big issue is that unlike last season Watford are getting the majority of their goals from Midfield, under new Watford boss Walter Mazzarri’s 3-5-2 system. Pereyra and, in particular, Capoue look like big goal threats, with Deeney and Ighalo seemingly drawing defenders away from those players, as opposed to being the out-and-out goalscorers they were last year.

Bond has doubled up on Bournemouth in midfield with King and Wilshere. Doubling up is always a risk-reward tactic but perhaps more risk than reward for a Bournemouth team that is expected to be near the bottom of the Premier League. One double up is seemingly not enough, and Drew has gone one better in defense with a triple up on the Man City defense. Kolarov, Sagna and Bravo could potentially give Bond an 18 point head start for each Man City clean sheet, but the reliability of starts for those fullbacks is among the worst in the league – rotation with Clichy and Zabaleta is extremely likely. On the other hand, Monreal has almost no rotation risk and should be a consistent stream of points. The same applies to Baines, with Brendan Galloway sent packing to West Brom, and Baines does carry a big set piece threat from free kicks and penalties. Bond has shown good managerial preparation by holding both Damien Delaney and James Tomkins, and can slot Tomkins straight in now that Delaney has lost his place in the starting lineup. Fellaini and Henderson are unlikely to offer much goal threat this season, despite Hendo’s wonder goal on Friday. Getting Shaqiri back from injury will be huge for both Bond and Stoke City when it happens, both of whom need Shaq to get in the goals as soon as possible.

I don’t think it’s the worst team in the league. The defense is pretty good compared to most. I would certainly swap it for mine. But without Kane, I just don’t see where the goals are coming from. The mentality of the manager is also in question. In a fit of rage, “fuck Salv and fuck Fantrax” was uttered from Bond’s foul mouth in an unprovoked outburst. Is Bond starting to lose his cool now that the going’s got tough? He’s also losing the support of his fellow managers. Career cellar dweller Josh Rees proclaimed “Shit management” not once, but twice, on both the 16th and 18th September. They do say it takes one to know one, but Rees was really rubbing it in this week on the back of his recent success. Rumours are circulating that Arun Hall is even making an offer to recruit the Real Sososbad boss to his beloved Cocky Club.

One thing’s for sure – Bond really needs to turn things around fast if he wants to avoid becoming odds on favourite for the Arse Award.

Commish Corner – Transfer Deadline Day

What a time to be alive. We have just witnessed the greatest, most dramatic Transfer Deadline Day in Fantrax history. There were 156 bids from 13 managers, while police have issued a plea for any information regarding the whereabouts of Ian Fisher. The cash was splashed, the money was funny (in Salv’s case), and we’re going to take a look at exactly what the fuck just happened.

Most Popular Players

David Luiz and Shkodran Mustafi were bid on by 12 of us, with Bridz joining Fisher on the sidelines. Despite higher bids, Gooch and Clemo were prioritising other players, so Luiz was won by Huw with a bid of £51.5million. The bid sizing was near perfect from Meredith, beating Josh, Mills and Bond by just £1.5million. Mustafi, meanwhile, was Matt’s aforementioned prioritised player, taking him home for his entire remaining budget of £72million. Undoubtedly a big fee for a defender, but with Hamlin not far behind on £56.5million, it still goes down as a decent purchase.

Most Expensive Player

The title goes to Moussa Sissoko, after Gooch “went Hollywood” and spunked the full £100million. Gooch was one of 10 managers to bid on the former Newcastle man, with Josh, Mills and Ham steering clear. Runner up in the bids was Clemo with another full budget bid of £72million, but it’s not clear whether Mustafi or Sissoko was a higher priority for him. Fantrax is suggesting it was Sissoko, but lets face it, they’ve been wrong before. In his last four seasons, Sissoko has never scored more than 4 goals, so he’ll need to improve on that considerably to give Gooch a decent return on investment.

Most Injury Prone Player

Of course this can only be one man. Described by Sky Sports as “one of the top midfielders of his generation”, described by Party as “a wanker”, it is of course Jack “The Lad” Wilshere, with Drew Bond the lucky winner. And lucky is the word, with Bond getting the win on tie-break over Leweys Legends with a cool £50million bid. I would love to criticise this signing, I really would, but 10 managers made bids and Bond got the pricing exactly correct to win. The big question is, can he stay fit, and with just 17 appearances in two seasons it doesn’t look good. Time will tell.

Most Unlucky Manager

Having lost out on Wilshere to a tie-break, Clembro’s luck turned quickly and he was fortunate to acquire Arsenal’s new front man Lucas Perez by the same method. The unlucky man was Rich Mills, who equalled the Legends winning bid of £50million, but lost out on the dice roll. Some would say this is justice for any man who chooses to wear a top knot. I wouldn’t, but some would. Perez was also the first of several £100million bids from The Salamanders, who instead favoured . . .

Most Overpriced Player

Sofiane Boufal, the new Southampton Midfielder (or “Forward” if you listen to Salv – I know, I don’t either). With a whopping bid of £95million, Salvo was a full £61million higher than the next bid (Boz). Boufal is undoubtedly a decent prospect, but is he really worth betting the house on? Eight managers made bids, with five offering between 20 and 34 million, and to me that would seem a more realistic price. The potential is there though, and Salv has got his man – can Boufal turn around his season?

Most Poor Use of Groups

Oh dear Bondo. Having won Wilshere, Drew instantly asked for a refund, but you don’t get second chances in this line of work. His desired commodity was new West Brom signing Nacer Chadli, and he was willing to spend £50million to get him. However, having inexplicably chosen to experiment with “Groups” in the most important transfer week of season, Bond fucked up and ended up swapping George Boyd for Wilshere instead. Boz was the benefactor with the highest valid bid among the 8 interested managers, picking up Chadli for £46million. No budget left for Boggy, but compared to some of his other signings, this one looks a decent bet.

Best of the Rest

Bond spent his other £50million on the man that haunts Joe Hart’s dreams, Claudio Bravo. Certainly a high price for any goalkeeper, the next highest bid was Huw with £32.5million. Lew took home Marcos Alonso for £25million, beating Mills for a second time, this time by £5million. Just as it looked like it couldn’t get any worse, Dicky’s luck took another nosedive with yet another close defeat. He was £1.5million short on Leicester’s record signing Islam Slimani, who instead heads to Ozone Athletic. Another forward, Simone Zaza, most famous for the worst penalty of all time, went to the Hammerheads for £61.5million. Fairly steep given that the next highest valid bid was £22million, but Zaza should get the start at West Ham with Valencia off to Everton. Bridz got a decent value signing in Roberto Pereyra at £7.5million, and Salv picked up “Super” Hal Robson-Kanu on a free despite Bond’s best efforts to splurge £50million. Even penniless Elm Grove got in on the action, picking up three decent players on frees – Mbokani, Martins Indi and Hendrick. Comparisons to Harry Redknapp’s wheeler dealing are fair and unquestionable. Finally, Chris Talling acquired Stewart Downing for £0.5, a signing so boring that words fail me, and Ham signed Ryan Mason, before “doing a Huw” and dropping him around 5 minutes later.

All in all, it was a brilliant deadline day, and Commish gives his thanks to all who participated. You made it what it was, and you make this league what it is.

Fantrax Til I Die.

Commish Corner – Week 2

Theme of the week – Rebrands

The Groovy Penguins started a trend, and there have been a number of club rebrands over the summer. The Rems have become Lems, FC SAP have become Salamanders and the Hammerhead Sharks have done a “reverse Hull” by removing the animal from their name. But by far the worst rebrand has come from Mr Huw Meredith.

Meredith has recruited two new assistants over the summer, and we give a big welcome to Charles and Haimes. But rather than rebrand to show this new sense of teamwork and unity, Meredith inexplicably chose a rebrand to feed his own ego. Chris Talling, and the corresponding BFG logo, is a clear reference to Meredith’s personal height and friendliness. There is no mention of his management team, or indeed his players, and this rebrand is Huw’s way of saying “Yes I’ve brought you onboard, but make no mistake, I’m still in charge”. We should expect this arrogance from our reigning Villain of the Year, but even so it is shocking. The use of Chris Smalling as a pun is in itself confusing, since Smalling is a proud member of Lewey’s Legends.

Following the backlash, I expect yet another rebrand (which would be the 5th) from a man who is clearly confused about his team’s identity.

Fool of the week

After firing a blank in Week 1 the pressure was on former champion Salv to perform in Week 2. He absolutely failed to deliver, scoring the lowest in the league for the second week running. His extraordinary decision to start an injured Carroll and Mousset, who got 0 minutes in Week 1 and followed that up with 0 minutes in Week 2, was laughable. The league leader Ian Fisher has nearly double his score – things need to pick up soon or the Salamanders brand will be forever defined by failure.

Question of the week

Why oh why does the league’s design expert refuse to design himself a logo? Is it laziness? Or is it incompetence? Who can say. Yes he may be on holiday but if he’s got time for press ups then by Zeus he should have time for Fantrax.

Moment of the week

I’m gona go for “PVA for PBA”, a catchy yet wildly irritating phrase coined by Dan Bridle to celebrate the Van Aanholt goal that essentially sealed the win for Peperami.