The Rise & Fall of Bobbond Allstars

It’s been a spectacular start to the season for the Bobbond Allstars. Spectacularly bad. They sit bottom of the table with a 100% loss record, a full two wins behind their nearest rivals. But just how bad are the Allstars? We’ll take a look at the data behind the dog shit.

Bond joined Fantrax in Season 2 and had a very respectable first season. With the goals of Jamie Vardy and the assists of Mesut Ozil, the Allstars moved into 2nd place in Week 9 and stayed there for 11 of the next 12 weeks. He did not fall out of the top 4 at any point between Weeks 5 and 33, but a disappointing end to the season saw Bobbond finish the season in 5th place. A fairly impressive debut season indeed – all eyes were on Drew to see if he could improve upon his success in Season 3.

So far, the answer to that question has been a resounding “No”. Five defeats from five games is an awful start by anyone’s standard. The results were as follows:

Bond 28-37 Huw

Bond 25-34 Owen

Bond 28-31 Lew

Bond 29-48 Mills

Bond 40-50 Salv

In a sense, Drew has been quite unlucky. The 200 Fantasy Points he has faced from opposing teams is the highest in the league. With more luck could he have found himself nearer the top of the league? The number of teams he would have beaten each week is as follows: 7, 0, 3, 2, 9. This sort of thing evens itself out over the course of a season, but Bond deserves one, or possibly two wins. No more. That would still put him at or near the bottom of the league in any case.

In terms of Fantasy Points scored, Bond is currently at 150, which puts him 10th out of 14th. The problem has been that he’s accumulated these points with consistently below average scores. We’ve already seen that Bond deserved a win this week (although leaving 20 points on the bench was nightmare management), but four weeks of scores between 25 and 29 tells the story. Below 30 is simply not good enough in this league.

Is there any hope to be found from his squad? I mentioned in Commish Corner a few weeks back that I thought KDB and Kane could save Salv and Bond’s seasons respectively. While De Bruyne has certainly lived up to the bill for the Salamanders, I imagine Bond was drowning in a pool of his own salty tears as news filtered through of Kane being stretchered off this weekend. With his star man out for an undetermined number of weeks where are the points coming from? Well there’s good news in some areas. Lanzini is back to fitness and back in the goals for West Ham, while Deeney got himself off the mark with a penalty this weekend. In Deeney’s case, the big issue is that unlike last season Watford are getting the majority of their goals from Midfield, under new Watford boss Walter Mazzarri’s 3-5-2 system. Pereyra and, in particular, Capoue look like big goal threats, with Deeney and Ighalo seemingly drawing defenders away from those players, as opposed to being the out-and-out goalscorers they were last year.

Bond has doubled up on Bournemouth in midfield with King and Wilshere. Doubling up is always a risk-reward tactic but perhaps more risk than reward for a Bournemouth team that is expected to be near the bottom of the Premier League. One double up is seemingly not enough, and Drew has gone one better in defense with a triple up on the Man City defense. Kolarov, Sagna and Bravo could potentially give Bond an 18 point head start for each Man City clean sheet, but the reliability of starts for those fullbacks is among the worst in the league – rotation with Clichy and Zabaleta is extremely likely. On the other hand, Monreal has almost no rotation risk and should be a consistent stream of points. The same applies to Baines, with Brendan Galloway sent packing to West Brom, and Baines does carry a big set piece threat from free kicks and penalties. Bond has shown good managerial preparation by holding both Damien Delaney and James Tomkins, and can slot Tomkins straight in now that Delaney has lost his place in the starting lineup. Fellaini and Henderson are unlikely to offer much goal threat this season, despite Hendo’s wonder goal on Friday. Getting Shaqiri back from injury will be huge for both Bond and Stoke City when it happens, both of whom need Shaq to get in the goals as soon as possible.

I don’t think it’s the worst team in the league. The defense is pretty good compared to most. I would certainly swap it for mine. But without Kane, I just don’t see where the goals are coming from. The mentality of the manager is also in question. In a fit of rage, “fuck Salv and fuck Fantrax” was uttered from Bond’s foul mouth in an unprovoked outburst. Is Bond starting to lose his cool now that the going’s got tough? He’s also losing the support of his fellow managers. Career cellar dweller Josh Rees proclaimed “Shit management” not once, but twice, on both the 16th and 18th September. They do say it takes one to know one, but Rees was really rubbing it in this week on the back of his recent success. Rumours are circulating that Arun Hall is even making an offer to recruit the Real Sososbad boss to his beloved Cocky Club.

One thing’s for sure – Bond really needs to turn things around fast if he wants to avoid becoming odds on favourite for the Arse Award.


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