Good day to all fantraxer’s and welcome to the first instalment of Gaffs Sour Grapevine.

This week I will be presenting an insightful look into all matchups for Week 4.

It’s the week of the bad vs the tall, the tubby vs the athletic, the skin shedders vs the skin between your bollocks and your asshole &  the Birdside Derby.

Only time will tell the outcomes but I’m going to do my best in the following article to predict my lineups and outcomes as well as some all round commenting on teams, players and the specimen that decide how they shape up.

Anything can happen if you are willing to put in the work and remain open to the possibility. Dreams are realised by effort, determination, passion and staying connected to the free  agency and who you are. – Michael Jordan discussing Fantrax Sept 2016

Michael found it hard to take a loss but everyone loses in Fantrax. Chin up.


oldlemon                hh


Minimal trouble picking a lineup here as strength in depth is a real problem for the Mels. Other than his bumboy GK hogging rotation system and the mouthwatering problem of which DM to play (Etien or Danny?) I can’t see either of Clemo’s other subs getting alot of game time this season (barring injuries).

Saying that, the strength of his starting back four is a real concern for anyone playing him. Bellerin will be one of the top scoring defenders this season and Blind is currently keeping Smalling out of the Untd 11 which has turned out to be a real coup for Clemo. Question is will Williams and Musty play this week? I believe so and can only see a clean sheet coming from big Ash.

Other than Capoue (who’s scored his 2 goals for the season) his front three midfielders offer alot of point potentials .

Unfortunately the biggest weekness of the 11 seems to come up top.  Llorente is yet to hit form and has Borja nipping at his toes and Stuanis previous season stats have caused people to question his consistency. Can we expect much more from these guys or are they short term resolutions that’ll cause headaches further down the line?

The Hammerheads

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The heads have built a bang average consistent squad which will do Hamlin well this season. Consistency should see them straight to an upper mid table finish which is something not to complain about in such a competitive league.

His defence has points in it with the attacking likes of the Betrand Clyne combo. If Kone can sort his attitude and pull  his moonhead back out there are 3-4 goals in him aswell. Long term Daniels may be an issue as the heads don’t have backup and competition for places in the Bournemouth back 4 is high.

Midfield is looking decent but with a game against a solid Untd defence this week for two of his midfielders points may be hard to come by. This isn’t helped by a poor swans team facing a very competitive Chelsea squad.

Gray has looked good so far this season and should continue to if he can avoid a ban for being an all out homophobic fueled bacteria. I also think Zaza may suprise a few this season and fancy him for a goal against a Watford side who haven’t managed to keep a goal out yet this season.


LEMS  27 –  36 HEADS

Next we preview the Birdside derby. Allstars vs Penguins. No idea why bond has a fucking bird on his logo but this has essentially created a derby for dramatic purpose.


screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-18-42-52       screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-18-43-22


Bobbond Allstars

Screen Shot 2016-09-07 at 18.49.52.png

With no points on the Board Dizzle will be looking to turn his luck around against the Penguins. He decided to do this by spending 50 million on Claudio Bravo.

50 fucking million on a goalkeeper

Now don’t get me wrong Bravo is a great pick up but 50 million seems extortionate. Unfortunately Bravo starts his first game against a strong looking Untd at Old Trafford. A CS doesn’t seem like a likely option this week but I’m sure they will come-a-plenty.

Lack of clean sheets and a strength further up the pitch starting will most likely push Bond to start a back three of Baines, Delaney/Soure and Monreal. I expect either Baines or Delaney/Soure to keep a CS (if not both).

A decent selection of attacking midfielders will more than likely convince bond to go with 5 in midfield. I’m convinced he’ll start Hendo even with a tough game away at leicester and a second Palace defender/ Man City defender ready to step up.

On paper Bonds attacking two look a class act, and they are. Kane having to switch between 9/10 consistently has been unfortunate for him but I’m convinced Harry Borrill will pay off eventually for him. Deeney proved himself worthy of premier league status last year but could he suffer from a bit of second season syndorme? Dizzle will be hoping not.


The Groovy Penguins

Screen Shot 2016-09-07 at 19.14.03.png

A strange team to pick a lineup from. An injured Cresswell hogs a spot along with an out of favour Zaha (who thinks he plays for Spurs), Gradel who break into the Bournemouth team and unlucky Bats (who I’m convinced will force his way into the squad).

With Zaha and Gradel not looking like they’ll play I think a back four is the best route for Dicky to go. Targett and Pieters face tough opponents in Arsenal and Spurs so CS’s don’t look likely to come from those two. Dick will be hoping Bony doesn’t hit the ground running and spurs can keep a CS. Whilst Boro v West Brom has bore draw written all over it. I have a feeling he’ll get a CS from wither Spurs or Boro.

The trio of Mane, Payet and Walcott is clearly an exciting prospect. Walcotts is playing a Southampton defence that has struggled to build on last season, Payet plays a very uninspiring Watford team who look to have brought in far too many players (I’d be surprised if they all know each others names) & Mane is looking a class act this season. I fancy him for a big A against the champs.

How Barrow is on the system a striker is beyond me? Swansea have looked poor so far this season and I can’t see Barrow getting many goal opportunities. Dick may have to settle with a trickle of A’s from this man. Vardy is bound to get goals this season but wether he can continue last seasons form is anyones guess? Unfortunately my guess is nagado.


Predicted score

What is this Bird Bollocks 28- 37 Fluffy loveable not airborn Birds

I’m gunna eat some dinner and come back to this.


Screen Shot 2016-09-07 at 19.30.57.png


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