After a rollercoaster summer of transfer dealings, Thursday 1 September 2016 will go down in Fantrax history as one of the most monumental days the league has ever witnessed. Following the Commish’s breathtaking view on the day’s events, we are running a 4 part special to look at how each team has fared in this summer’s transfer window. Boring James Milner joins us for part 1 to provide us with his expert analysis.
Ozone Athletic – Rating 6/10
Players in: Islam Slimani (51.5m), Daryl Janmaat (6m), Joel Ward (0.5m), James Collins (free), Patrick Bamford (free)
A steady transfer window for the Athletic. There were unconfirmed reports that world-record volumes of vaping liquid had been delivered to Athletic’s home ground as Pursall stressed and deliberated his way through deadline day. Pursall will be hoping marquee signing Islam Slimani will provide his strikeforce with some much needed firepower. If Sturridge can overcome all the odds and actually get into a physical state where he can play football then it could turn into a much-feared front pairing. The main worry is whether Pursall has left himself too light at the back. With only 4 defenders (3 being signed in the summer window) it could mean that further signings are required as the season progresses. However, with 36.5m still in the bank this shouldn’t provide too much of a headache for the Commish.
Boring James’s view: I just rang Owen to ask if he was happy with his summer signings. He didn’t answer. I’ll try again later.
Chris Talling’s XI – Rating 8/10
Players in: David Luiz (51.5m), Ryan Shawcross (5.5m), Stewart Downing (0.5m), Loic Remy (free), Steve Mandanda (free), Adama Diomande (free)
Huw Meredith and his extended management team have put together quite possibly the greatest squad in Fantrax history. Other managers in the league should be scratching their heads working out just how they’ve let this happen. If David Luiz manages to sneak in the Chelsea team it could be an excellent signing. Shawcross is perhaps not quite the signing he would’ve been a couple of seasons ago with the Stoke defence not as resilient as it once was, but Loic Remy on a free could be THE bargain of the season. Stewart Downing and Adama Diomande provide cover on what is already an excellent bench. Fantrax managers have work to do to beat the villain and his minions this season.
Boring James’s view: I just congratulated Huw to tell him that his midfield is really good. I said well done, are you pleased? He said yeah. I said I thought you would be.
Boz’s Pandas – Rating 4/10
Players in: Nacer Chadli (46m), Wilfried Bony (25.5m), Adnan Januzaj (12.5m), Jesse Lingard (10.5m), Brendan Galloway (free), Arthur Masuaku (free)
Borrill has a reputation for acting extremely strangely during transfer windows, and this one was no different. 46m for Nacer Chadli in a West Brom team that doesn’t score, 12.5m for Adnan Januzaj in a Sunderland team that is already preparing for relegation and 10.5m for Jesse Lingard who is unlikely to see a minute of game time all year. Moreover, 25.5m for Wilfriend Bony when the Pandas already have Diego Costa and Wayne Rooney in the striking positions smacks of managerial incompetence. Panda’s fans are also reeling after they secured Loic Remy’s services for a cool 5.5m, only to inexplicably release him a week later. Borrill will need results quickly to win back the black and white faithful.
Boring James’s view: Just said to Brendan Galloway that he was only 5 when Wayne Rooney made his England debut. He said really? I said yeah, I checked the dates.
Part 2 will be available shortly. Make sure you join us as Boring James Milner makes way for another truly special guest.