What a time to be alive. We have just witnessed the greatest, most dramatic Transfer Deadline Day in Fantrax history. There were 156 bids from 13 managers, while police have issued a plea for any information regarding the whereabouts of Ian Fisher. The cash was splashed, the money was funny (in Salv’s case), and we’re going to take a look at exactly what the fuck just happened.
Most Popular Players
David Luiz and Shkodran Mustafi were bid on by 12 of us, with Bridz joining Fisher on the sidelines. Despite higher bids, Gooch and Clemo were prioritising other players, so Luiz was won by Huw with a bid of £51.5million. The bid sizing was near perfect from Meredith, beating Josh, Mills and Bond by just £1.5million. Mustafi, meanwhile, was Matt’s aforementioned prioritised player, taking him home for his entire remaining budget of £72million. Undoubtedly a big fee for a defender, but with Hamlin not far behind on £56.5million, it still goes down as a decent purchase.
Most Expensive Player
The title goes to Moussa Sissoko, after Gooch “went Hollywood” and spunked the full £100million. Gooch was one of 10 managers to bid on the former Newcastle man, with Josh, Mills and Ham steering clear. Runner up in the bids was Clemo with another full budget bid of £72million, but it’s not clear whether Mustafi or Sissoko was a higher priority for him. Fantrax is suggesting it was Sissoko, but lets face it, they’ve been wrong before. In his last four seasons, Sissoko has never scored more than 4 goals, so he’ll need to improve on that considerably to give Gooch a decent return on investment.
Most Injury Prone Player
Of course this can only be one man. Described by Sky Sports as “one of the top midfielders of his generation”, described by Party as “a wanker”, it is of course Jack “The Lad” Wilshere, with Drew Bond the lucky winner. And lucky is the word, with Bond getting the win on tie-break over Leweys Legends with a cool £50million bid. I would love to criticise this signing, I really would, but 10 managers made bids and Bond got the pricing exactly correct to win. The big question is, can he stay fit, and with just 17 appearances in two seasons it doesn’t look good. Time will tell.
Most Unlucky Manager
Having lost out on Wilshere to a tie-break, Clembro’s luck turned quickly and he was fortunate to acquire Arsenal’s new front man Lucas Perez by the same method. The unlucky man was Rich Mills, who equalled the Legends winning bid of £50million, but lost out on the dice roll. Some would say this is justice for any man who chooses to wear a top knot. I wouldn’t, but some would. Perez was also the first of several £100million bids from The Salamanders, who instead favoured . . .
Most Overpriced Player
Sofiane Boufal, the new Southampton Midfielder (or “Forward” if you listen to Salv – I know, I don’t either). With a whopping bid of £95million, Salvo was a full £61million higher than the next bid (Boz). Boufal is undoubtedly a decent prospect, but is he really worth betting the house on? Eight managers made bids, with five offering between 20 and 34 million, and to me that would seem a more realistic price. The potential is there though, and Salv has got his man – can Boufal turn around his season?
Most Poor Use of Groups
Oh dear Bondo. Having won Wilshere, Drew instantly asked for a refund, but you don’t get second chances in this line of work. His desired commodity was new West Brom signing Nacer Chadli, and he was willing to spend £50million to get him. However, having inexplicably chosen to experiment with “Groups” in the most important transfer week of season, Bond fucked up and ended up swapping George Boyd for Wilshere instead. Boz was the benefactor with the highest valid bid among the 8 interested managers, picking up Chadli for £46million. No budget left for Boggy, but compared to some of his other signings, this one looks a decent bet.
Best of the Rest
Bond spent his other £50million on the man that haunts Joe Hart’s dreams, Claudio Bravo. Certainly a high price for any goalkeeper, the next highest bid was Huw with £32.5million. Lew took home Marcos Alonso for £25million, beating Mills for a second time, this time by £5million. Just as it looked like it couldn’t get any worse, Dicky’s luck took another nosedive with yet another close defeat. He was £1.5million short on Leicester’s record signing Islam Slimani, who instead heads to Ozone Athletic. Another forward, Simone Zaza, most famous for the worst penalty of all time, went to the Hammerheads for £61.5million. Fairly steep given that the next highest valid bid was £22million, but Zaza should get the start at West Ham with Valencia off to Everton. Bridz got a decent value signing in Roberto Pereyra at £7.5million, and Salv picked up “Super” Hal Robson-Kanu on a free despite Bond’s best efforts to splurge £50million. Even penniless Elm Grove got in on the action, picking up three decent players on frees – Mbokani, Martins Indi and Hendrick. Comparisons to Harry Redknapp’s wheeler dealing are fair and unquestionable. Finally, Chris Talling acquired Stewart Downing for £0.5, a signing so boring that words fail me, and Ham signed Ryan Mason, before “doing a Huw” and dropping him around 5 minutes later.
All in all, it was a brilliant deadline day, and Commish gives his thanks to all who participated. You made it what it was, and you make this league what it is.
Fantrax Til I Die.